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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28003338">All You Have Is Your Fire</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/astronofille/pseuds/astronofille'>astronofille</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, Loki (Marvel)-centric, Pre-Avengers (2012), Pre-Thor (2011), References to Norse Religion &amp; Lore, The Nature of Godhood and Mythology, i read the aoa comics and couldn't stop thinking about the gravity of a story</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 19:40:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,124</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28003338</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/astronofille/pseuds/astronofille</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"These stories have a gravity that pulls at me. That would crush me back into what I no longer am. Away with them, then. I did terrible things to be Loki—things that haunt me. Crimes that cannot be forgiven. But I am Loki." —Loki: Agent of Asgard, issue #1</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>The stories pull at Loki. He does not yet know to push back.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Loki &amp; Thor (Marvel)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>All You Have Is Your Fire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Title is from Hozier's "Arsonist's Lullaby"!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Loki closed his eyes tight, rubbing the heel of his hand into his forehead. There was an ever-present pressure that had taken root right behind Loki’s eyes, a splitting pain that was making concentration on his weekly history lesson difficult. If he didn’t know any better, he would’ve considered it a particularly stubborn migraine, mixed himself a minor pain relief potion, and called it a day. But Loki knew what it felt like when he got a migraine, he could hardly get out of bed on those days, and this, this was something different. </p>
<p>It started so subtly that it took ages for Loki to even notice it at all. At first, he assumed that he was simply coming down with something. The tiny prickle of pressure behind the eyes was no more than a slight tickling sensation. Wary of being accused of sensitivity by his brother, Loki resolved to ignore the issue and let it fade away. </p>
<p>But the feeling didn’t fade. </p>
<p>The longer Loki ignored the feeling, the worse it grew, until eventually the slight tickle had turned into a pounding, throbbing pressure, worse than any migraine. Too embarrassed to admit to his illness after hiding it for so long, Loki had researched his symptoms on his own. He found nothing helpful. (Apparently, he either had the common flu or a deadly viral infection transmitted only via Midgardian livestock.) Still, his stubbornness won out and he refused to alert anyone, even his mother, to his condition. </p>
<p>He felt a tap on his arm and glanced to his left. Thor, eyes fixed on their history text in mock-concentration, slid a scrap of paper onto Loki’s desk. </p>
<p>
  <em> Are you alright, brother? </em>
</p>
<p>Loki’s lips turned up slightly. <em> I’m fine</em>, he wrote back. <em> Just bored out of my mind.  </em></p>
<p>Thor grinned upon seeing his response. He raised his eyebrows and gave a pointed look between Loki and their teacher, who was still seated at her desk, mind on her own work while her students “studied.”</p>
<p>After a moment’s thought, Loki acquiesced to Thor’s implied wish. It was doing him no good to sit here, mind melting as he tried to focus on his book. He thought for a moment, and then settled back in his chair as a simple plan took form. </p>
<p>A twist of his fingers, and a small vial of brown powder appeared in his hand. </p>
<p>“Excuse me, Professor Gunvorsdottir?” Loki raised his hand. “Could I ask for some clarification on a paragraph from our reading?” </p>
<p>Their instructor began to stand, but Loki waved her back down and approached her desk. Leaning over her mug of tea and her own book, Loki propped his textbook in front of her. </p>
<p>“It’s this part, here, about the Aesir-Vanir war. It mentions an exchange of hostages following the war, but no mention of who the hostages were.” </p>
<p>Loki listened intently as she explained the denouement of the war and the terms of the peace treaty. After she finished her explanation, Loki gave her a dazzling smile as he reassured her that his confusion was cleared up. </p>
<p>As he sat back at his desk, Thor lightly kicked his boot. </p>
<p>“What was that all about?” he hissed. </p>
<p>Loki just raised his eyebrows, the picture of innocence. “Whatever do you mean, brother dear?” </p>
<p>Thor glowered back at him. Studiously ignoring him, Loki turned his attention back to his book, mentally counting down the minutes. Their instructor took a sip out of her mug of tea. The corner of Loki’s lips twitched. </p>
<p>After a minute or two, their professor began to shift in her seat. Her face began to go red. A moment more of uncomfortable fidgeting, and she sprang from her seat. </p>
<p>Loki looked up from his book, eyebrows pulled together with concern. “Professor Gunvorsdottir? Are you alright?” </p>
<p>Already on her way to the door, she turned her head over her shoulder, revealing her beet-red face. “Class dismissed for the day. Finish that reading by next week!” And with that, the boys were alone. </p>
<p>Thor gave a whoop. “Ha, I should’ve never doubted you, brother! What a good work of mischief! What did you do to her, anyway?”</p>
<p>“Just a bit of powdered senna leaves in her tea with a magical boost to take effect quickly. She’ll be fine in an hour or so.” Loki smiled sunnily at his brother’s praise, though his brows remained furrowed. </p>
<p>Just as their teacher had left the room, prank successful, the pain behind his eyes had faded. Not completely, and the difference was almost imperceptible, but to Loki the difference was between pain that was blinding to merely dizzying. Surely this was just a fluke, right? </p>
<p>He followed behind Thor as they made their escape, nodding along to his brother’s excited rambling absentmindedly. </p>
<p>This would require some experimentation. </p>
<p>---</p>
<p>Loki played a prank on Thor; the pain faded. </p>
<p>Loki told a lie; the pain faded. </p>
<p>Loki cut off Sif’s hair, tricked a group of dwarven smiths, and avoided execution; the pain disappeared for years, the longest it ever had since it first appeared (though the scars on his lips took even longer to fade). </p>
<p>He held out against it as long as he could. He was <em> Loki</em>, he didn’t want to be led around like a puppet on a string just because he had a <em> headache</em>. </p>
<p>The longer he held out, the worse it got. The worse it got, the worse the consequences when he finally gave in and caused some mischief. </p>
<p>When things around him got a bit too settled, when he grew a touch too stagnant, there the pain would be. And there the pain would stay, unless he put in the effort to shake things up a bit. </p>
<p>By the time he grew to adulthood, Loki pretty much had it down. </p>
<p>---</p>
<p>He gave into the mischief, and he felt no pain. </p>
<p>Thor’s coronation erupted in chaos. Loki felt no pain. </p>
<p>They fought on Jotunheim. A frost giant reached for Loki’s arm and he braced for the burn, but—he felt no pain. </p>
<p>Back on Asgard, Loki reached for the Casket of Ancient Winters. He screamed as his not-father stumbled. And through it all, he felt no pain in his head, nothing to distract him from the raw, rotten ache in his chest. </p>
<p>He understood, now. Why his very being rebelled against the constant, perfect beauty of Asgard. How foolish of him to think that there might have been some supernatural cause, when the simplest explanation was right in front of him. </p>
<p>He was a monster. </p>
<p>---</p>
<p>Loki fell. </p>
<p>There was pain, more than enough to distract from that in his head. </p>
<p>He took the scepter when it was given. </p>
<p>He stepped through the portal. </p>
<p>And he grinned as the pain began to fade. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading! Please leave a kudos/comment if you enjoyed! I started writing this in January and just rediscovered it. I had plans to continue this into a longer fic, but I really liked where I ended it here, so I figured I'd post what I have and see if there's a desire for more. :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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